A Note from Heather - Finding Myself through Grief, Growth and Midlife

Hey friend,

For nearly two decades, this online space has been a constant in my life. Those of you who have been around since the beginning have walked alongside me as I raised babies, stretched our family budget with affordable meals and online deals, traveled in an Airstream, shared stories and projects. . .and so much more.

Thank you for being here through all of it.

The last 10 years have been a little quieter around here. As retailers, like Amazon, changed their affiliate commission structures, the income I earned from sharing deals no longer matched the time it took to find, vet, write and post them. I had to diversify my income and devote more energy to other work, including freelance communications and my antique business.

This spring I stopped posting altogether. It wasn’t an intentional decision. I just slowly let it slip away and I found much-needed respite in stepping back from the pressure of constantly creating and posting.

Recently I’ve had more comments and messages from you asking, “Are you okay?” “Is this site done for good?” and “Where are you?” I appreciate every person who reached out. I just didn’t have the words or capacity to respond sooner.

The last two years have been a lot. I wasn’t sure how to authentically show up here without sharing more than I was ready to.

Last year, I went through a divorce – something I never expected. It took me through levels of grief, loss, uncertainty and growth, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I spent the last two years focusing on my kids, my health, my house and trying to find my footing on a path that was uncertain and unfamiliar.

By January of this year I felt like I had finally rounded the corner of the deepest grief and I was starting to feel the sunshine on my face again.

Then, in February, my mother, my best friend, was diagnosed with cancer. It put things in perspective and reinforced we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. I’ve spent the last seven months seeing her and trying to support her as much as I can. I’m grateful for every phone call, every visit and all the time we’ve had together this year.

Then, this spring my son graduated from high school. Can you believe it? It feels like just yesterday he was teaching you about worm bins in our backyard. Now he’s 19 and last week I dropped him off at college.

Navigating divorce, grief, anticipatory grief, empty nesting, aging parents – these are realities for so many middle-aged women. Weekly therapy has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself. Today, I am a stronger, more empathetic, more intentional mother, friend, daughter and person than I was two years ago.

I have learned that I have spent a lifetime over-performing and over-functioning as a way to handle trauma and find my worth. I know I’m not alone in this – so many women have been taught, directly or indirectly, that if we just do more, work harder and take care of everyone else, we will finally be enough.

But that’s fucking exhausting. And I was exhausted.

And then my world fell apart. I knew in the moments of deepest grief that I couldn’t skip the hard part. The part where we process, we sit in the grief, we grow, we ask for help, we get stronger. It’s not an easy process, it’s not a linear process, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be done learning from it – but it has been an important part of my journey.

These days, I’m taking things a bit slower. I’m not sweating the small stuff. I’m letting go of things that aren’t meant for me or are out of my control. I’m learning, I’m growing and I am feeling happier and more like myself than I have in years.

As a self-employed single mom navigating finances, a kid in college, a teenager who just started driving, a home full of maintenance and projects, I have moments of overwhelm. But more often now, I have moments of profound clarity and gratitude: for who I am, who I am becoming and how much I have grown through the grief and challenges of these past couple years.

I’ve spent a lot of the last year soul searching and sitting in the discomfort of doing things alone. My teens are busy and on the go, and they live part-time with their dad – leaving me with a lot of time by myself. At first it was incredibly hard and sometimes lonely. But along the way I’ve found and fostered so many new beautiful female friendships – many who can relate to this midlife upheaval – I’ve never felt more loved and supported than I do now.

As I enter this next chapter I find myself needing to be more resourceful  with money and time than ever before. I want Queen Bee to continue to be a place for practical, real-life ways to make the most of what we have – online deals, household savings, affordable meals, home and garden ideas, thrifted and vintage finds, and the small choices that help life feel a little more abundant without spending more than we can afford.

Gas, rent, groceries, healthcare – prices feel out of control and I know I’m not the only one feeling the strain. I still believe there are ways to find savings and make the most of finite dollars. I hope to post more consistently this fall and throughout the holiday season, with ideas that save us all money, time and energy.

More than anything, I’m looking forward to reconnecting with this community and showing up in a way that feels authentic, useful and aligned with who I am now. 

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for checking in on me. And thank you for being here.

If you haven’t yet, follow along Facebook, join my FB group and check out my Instagram.

If you would, please share what you’d like to see on this site.

• What types of deals or posts would be the most helpful for you?
• Where are you saving the most money these days?
• How are you stretching your dollars these days?

With much gratitude, joy and love,

Heather